As a result, you are too cold with them and you don’t help them in any way. Your behavior with them is not normal behavior. If they were any other person, you would not be so rude. As a matter of fact, you would not be rude at all, but kind and gentle.
However, because you are trying to hide your weakness in front of this special person, you are an iceberg with them, completely indifferent to their problems and pain. You never help them and never show any sympathy.
You are always afraid that they may interpret any kindness as a sign of weakness and conclude that you are dying of love. You are afraid that they will destroy you completely if they tell you that they don’t want you.
Because you are so afraid, you are never kind and helpful with them as you would be if they were not so special to you. Because of your fear, you hurt them. You are aggressive, insensitive, distant, and selfish. In other words, the perfect monster. Of course you cannot inspire love…
How romantic! Instead of smiling and being kind, you are rude, cruel, and absurd.
Perhaps you imagine that “when you’re finally together” you’ll be able to make him or her forget this image completely. You imagine that “they will understand your weakness” and forgive you for your cruelty.
You may even try to test their reactions and provoke them with a lot of painful experiences, in order to see if they are going to abandon you or if they are going to find another flirt. If and if and if, until you’re sure you can reveal to them the most secret feeling in the universe: the love you feel for them.
However, you are not considering a possibility that you should consider from the beginning: perhaps they won’t wait to see the other, nicer side of your personality after seeing how cold and immature you are.
Of course, you have to also realize that there are a few intelligent people in this world who can understand the meaning of human reactions and who will discover your secret, only because you are being aggressive instead of kind and gentle, as you would be if you were not trying to hide your feelings.
My advice is this: if you cannot be normal, pretend you are normal on purpose. Do many normal things in a very normal way, even though you may feel horrible because you believe that you should not be so kind with that special person, since it is obvious that they are going to understand that you desperately love them and that they can kill you with their rejection.
Pretend that they are not this special person, but somebody else not so important.
This is the only way to avoid the neurosis that will certainly dominate you if you insist on being cruel and distant, simply because you want to hide your feelings from the person you love.